It’s easy to get trapped in the loop of ungratefulness. Forgetting all the wonderful mundane beauty that was gifted to us. ‘Nostalgia in Wonderland’ places the viewer in purgatory, a space of reflection used to amplify the gifts of life. Always searching for purpose, identity, and belonging then once the search is released it is revealed that the only thing limiting us is our own limitations. The purpose is to pursue happiness, wonder, and love. I began pursuing music very young hearing the notes from TV theme songs and playing them on the piano by ear. My grandmother was the first musical influence I had. She had sung in the Choir of the Roman Catholic Church back in the country of Belize and would sing and dance all around the house. It made everything seem so magical.
I was living in Utah during elementary and middle school which has a large community of Mormons. The small mountain town I grew up in for most of my childhood never truly welcomed me because of my religious beliefs. I faced a lot of bullying from my fellow classmates until I eventually stopped going to school and faked being sick. The only thing that pulled me out of my own doubt and sadness was writing and music. I never felt more validated or more myself than when I would finish a song or a story. I would write so much it would induce strong visual ideas of how this story would look and play out in my environment.
I had constructed an androgynous strong female superhero for myself to reflect on within my writings. I used her to gain confidence and acceptance for those around me. Once I turned 13 my family had moved me out of Utah and back to California. I was so used to being the outsider having friends for once felt very surreal. Every day in high school I would sit and write out poems, songs, or stories during my downtime. I wrote about everything I went through love, jealousy, loneliness, excitement. I actually kept most of these writings and still have them in an accordion filer. Once I graduated high school I focused on work and friends. I had stopped writing and got stuck in an abusive relationship with someone who influenced me to get into bad situations, lose my job, and pursue a life of addictions. I felt like an omniscient presence buried inside myself.
It wasn’t till I got pregnant 4 years ago when I was 21 that I finally started to take my power back. I’m now a single mother to one 3 year old boy who has taught me the beauty and innocence still left in this world. I have become so grateful for him. Since leaving the relationship and having my son I found myself writing again once the pandemic began. I had more free time and a better environment for my thoughts to be expressed. I put everything I had in me into my music. I learned the software, production, and how to get my music out there with the help of my co-producer and friend Jessy Covets.
‘Nostalgia in Wonderland’ was the re-alignment with myself once I saw the beauty and amazement of the world again. Pursuing music has been incredibly liberating for me and the best part is that my son gets to see me doing something I love and giving it everything it deserves. I hope to inspire my audience with perseverance, love, and gratitude. Life in all its misery and amazement is a gift. ‘Nostalgia in Wonderland’ the EP will be released in November and I look forward to making plenty more stories just as liberating as this one.
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